All hail Beer Pong, that noble game which, since frat parties of yore, has used tiny plastic balls and red plastic cups full of room temperature Natty Ice to separate boys from men, and girls from women.
The sinking of small spherical objects into slightly larger circular openings is nothing new (we’re talking B.C. old). Neither is indulging in a few cold ones during the spectating of sports. The genius of beer pong is that the sweet, sweet beer is the sport.
Beer pong is so popular that nearly everyone has a story about a cousin, best friend’s brother’s girlfriend or former guidance counselor making the most incredible shot, man. But what about playing with the rich and famous? What celebrities would you draft for your dream beer-pong team? These ones.
Harrelson makes the list for a couple of reasons. For starters, he first made a splash as a bartender in the long running show Cheers.
The actor, who once told reporters, “I’ve always been healthy…except for my vices,” recently married those two interests in an organic, vegan beer garden in Southern California. The man appreciates beer.
Despite actually being a former frat boy—he pledged Sigma Chi at Hanover College—the biggest reason you’d want Woody on your team comes from the behind-the-scenes gossip on the classic basketball film White Men Can’t Jump. The short version? Harrelson can ball.
Is he any good at beer pong? No one knows. Let’s call it a “hard maybe.”
Would it matter if he missed every shot? Not one bit.
What we do know is that Bill “Groundhog Day, Ghostbustin’-ass” Murray likes to crash a good party. From dancing to Lil' Jon at a random house party in South Carolina to karaoke-ing with total strangers in New York, the 65-year-old actor always makes the party memorable.
When Letterman asked about similarities between her oft-drunk character on the show and Kaling’s real life, she explained that she had gone to a party school: Dartmouth. It’s worth watching the whole interview. Because she has the balance and control to deflect and guide Letterman’s increasingly ridiculous questioning, she’d obviously kill it on the table.
As both a former frat boy (Lambda Chi Alpha at UCLA) and former SNLer, it’s easy to picture Forte having put in some serious practice time on a beer-pong table.
Plus, in the titular roll of The Last Man On Earth, we get to see Forte down beers, use the Declaration of Independence as a napkin, build a two-story Jenga game and, finally, create a human-sized Margarita in an inflatable pool.
Even in the depths of a depressing existential crisis, Forte seems like a fun drinking partner.
Though he is best known as half of the pioneering Atlanta rap group Outkast, André Benjamin (or 3000) has also cultivated a respectable career as an actor.
Just watch him invent the alley-oop with Will Ferrell in the 2008 comedy Semi-Pro, and you’ll be convinced: you need him on your team.
Though he’s very much on the record as a bottle-of-Corona man, Vin Diesel seems like the kind of guy who welcomes any challenge—drinking game included—and dominates regardless.
Sound funny? Just don’t bet a 10-second car on the game.
Schumer is known for her take-no-prisoners comedy, and for being transparent regarding her often hilarious drunken misadventures. Whether she’s stealing Jake Gyllenhall’s cake or competing in a bizarre but brilliant cooking show, Schumer seems to have a knack for finding the fun, weird heart in a night of drinking.
Thanks to Jimmy Fallon, we actually have documented proof of Zoe Kravitz’s beer-pong virtuosity.
Sure, it’s with barrel-sized Solo cups and basketball-sized ping pong balls, but you get the idea. Also on display in the clip: Kravitz is willing to play a little dirty, fake sneezing to throw off the late-night host. What more could you ask for?
Mixing your cocktail