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6 Drinks to Never, Ever Order on a First Date

Navigating the murky waters of the first date? We’re here to help. We’ve already provided you with a list of super-solid first date orders. Just as valuable is our list of drinks you should never, ever, order—lest you look like a rube. Read on for six first date drinks to avoid. You can thank us later.

  • Appletini / Flirtini / Etc.

    Anything ending in ‘tini’ that doesn’t begin with ‘Mar’ should be avoided. Hell, even the classic Martini is a weird choice these days: it can come off as self-consciously anachronistic unless you are in fact the Don Draper type, which you probably aren’t.

    Ordering any of the countless cloyingly sweet or, God forbid, chocolatey Martini variations, though, is grounds for immediate date termination. You’ve been warned.

  • Mudslide

    Sure, it’s tasty. You know what else is tasty? Chocolate milk. But you’re on a first date, not the first day of middle school.

    Let’s put it another way: The Mudslide, with its heavy mix of Kahlúa, Baileys, cream and chocolate syrup, is a lot closer to the post-break up “eating ice cream straight out of container” than it is to “smooth first impression in a dark bar.”

  • Anything with flavored vodka

    Flavored vodka has taken the drinking world by storm in the last few years. Sometimes it’s done subtly, but more often than not, the name of the flavor game is stunt flavoring.

    If you want to enjoy a cocktail that tastes like a bacon-wrapped strawberry cupcake, that’s your prerogative. Just, you know, don’t be upset when your first date doesn’t lead to a second.

  • Cosmopolitan

    While there’s nothing objectively wrong with the Cosmo, as its popularity indicates, ordering one is a good way to tell your date that you long for the days of oxygen bars, frosted tips and Michael Bolton.

    Continue to 5 of 6 below.
  • Adios Motherf*cker / Long Island Iced Tea

    Order either of these seriously boozy classics and the only person you’ll be getting lucky with is the porcelain god(dess).

  • Sex on the Beach

    A Sex on the Beach might be a fine drink to order while on a tropical vacation, but please don't order it on a first date. It's just a provocative name for a harmless fruity drink.