We’ve all seen our fair share of fictional beers on television. And although our favorite characters may love their local brew, bringing it to the real world might not go so smoothly. Here’s our take on why these eight fictional beers wouldn’t be so great to try in real life.
1. Shcraderbräu, Breaking Bad
Most viewers remember Hank Schrader as Detective ASAC Schrader, but few remember that the beloved character moonlighted as a homebrewer. Aside from his mineral collection, Schraderbräu was Hank’s pride and joy. His beer was supposedly “brewed to silky perfection,” but many bottles ended up exploding due to overcarbonation. We’ll take a pass on this one.
2. Wharmpess Beer, How I Met Your Mother
Created by Randy Wharmpess, Barney Stinson’s co-worker at Goliath National Bank, this homebrew actually turned into a household name on the show. Even though this brew is supposed to be quite good—so good, in fact, that Randy gets himself fired so he can start his own brewery with his severance—we’re not sure how we feel about drinking something that sounds like “warm piss.”
3. Pawtucket Patriot Ale, Family Guy
Frequently shown as Peter Griffin’s drink of choice, this Quahog, R.I., brew was created by Pawtucket Pat, the Willy Wonka of the Family Guy world. Though popular with Griffin and his friends, this beer turned out to be a sham: Griffin and Homer Simpson discovered it was just Duff beer with new labels slapped on top.
4. Bendërbrau Cold-Fusion Steam Beer, Futurama
One of many beers in the Futurama universe, this one in particular stands out for a surreal reason: It’s actually brewed inside Bender, the robot on the show known for stealing all kinds of things and storing them inside his hard-shell body. Given its origins, it’s questionable how sanitary it would be to try this beer.
5. Romulan Ale, Star Trek
Illegal within the Federation, this icy blue brew packs a serious punch. This stuff will give you the nastiest hangover and can make even intoxicant-proof Klingons lose control. That combined with the fact that we’re certain this must be some type of blue curaçao–infused beer makes us very uninterested in ever getting a chance to try this one.
6. Alamo Beer, King of the Hill
For how often it shows up, it wouldn’t be that far off to consider Alamo Beer one of the main characters on King of the Hill. A season-six episode reveals that the brewery’s production issues lead to soap entering the bottling line, causing widespread vomiting and diarrhea. (No, thank you.)
7. Dharma Initiative Beer, Lost
After being stranded on an island for such a long time, beer would seem like a gift from heaven. Anywhere off the island, however, 16-year-old beer would be extremely off-putting, especially one made by a mysterious research institution like the Dharma Initiative.
8. Duff Beer, The Simpsons
Perhaps the most well-known on this list, Duff Beer is famous for being Homer Simpson’s favorite brew. Although it’s clearly mocking one of the many big-time beer brands (cough, Budweiser, cough), we just can’t get past the brand’s Duff Man mascot. The main reason we’re thankful Duff Beer doesn’t exist? So we don’t have to see a plethora of commercials with Duff Man saying, “Ohhhhh, yeah!”